More reflections on online dating

I wonder how I'll feel when I look back at these blog posts in one year or five?

This new dating experience has been fascinating.

I have found a friend that I care for a great deal. Are we a match? I'm not sure. It's so early I'm trying to keep myself distant enough to not be hurt, but it may be too late. We'll see.

I've had some casual coffee/lunch dates to evaluate some other guys who've been interested. It hasn't been a great experience. One guy started with a tale about a woman I think he had thought was the one until he faced her unmitigated racism towards a nonwhite race. He was so disappointed he wanted to bring that up immediately. I share that reaction to this woman's comments, but it didn't seem the best start to our date. He also made a big deal about my comments in my profile about not wanting a controlling partner. He brought that up immediately and gave me a detailed list of the strong professional women in his family and how he wouldn't want to be controlling. I thought again he may have protested too much, likely based on prior experience. This came home when he told the wait staff that we were not interested in dessert without asking me. I don't need dessert, let's be clear, but it did seem arbitrary. He had strongly suggested an entrée that I did not want earlier, but I'd taken that to indicate the price point since he had started the lunch and insisted that he would pay this time. However, "this time" suggests that any "next time" would be a Dutch treat or be on me. I think there are red flags!

He never once offered me his surname nor asked mine, either. In fact, other than asking me about the last concert I attended before the pandemic onset, he didn't want to know much. I wonder if he thought my profile on the site was everything to know about me. Yes, I figured out who he is on the internet. Maybe he's done the same. Then again, perhaps another red flag.

And chemistry, so few guys seem ready to cultivate emotion. A lot of dates can be summed up as "boring." I am willing to see a person twice in many cases because I understand nerves can affect behavior. You can bring out laundry lists and insecurities as barriers because most of us are not professional daters or actors, and dating is very anxiety-provoking. 

Some guys tell me they've been at this for years without finding someone and limit themselves to one date. I am not surprised they have not found the right woman.

I hoped if I didn't find "the one," I'd at least make friends. Not so sure about that.