Learning about Love

 

Hi! I think my last couple of posts may have been a bit negative.

Two weeks in, I'm still using eharmony and Match.com. I was steered first to eharmony and then to Match.com by my younger friends and relatives. When I asked them which they met their significant other, they replied Tinder and Bumble. Hah! They want me to get introduced to the world of dating slowly. Very protective and sweet of them, I think. Match.com is one of the most popular sites.

In further research, I discovered that meeting someone online is somewhat better during the pandemic than meeting someone in shared activities or via friend introduction.

Whatever app one chooses has the possibility of a good relationship. 

I had thought Tinder was strictly for hookups/one-night-stands, but people find meaningful relationships there. However, I did get the warning that it can be something of a "S**t-show" there.

I've learned a few things while dipping my toes into the dating sea. I'm sure I'll learn more and refine these points as I go along.

First, if someone does not use their actual first name, they are likely too self-absorbed for a relationship. You may think it's caution on their part, but I've not found that so.

Second, if something doesn't feel right, it isn't. I spoke about "T" from New Jersey before. I never heard back after telling him I wanted a video call but did not close the conversation window on the app. A week later, while scrolling, I found his image blurred on the message board; the site had blocked him because he violated rules.

I'm learning about myself, too. I like flirting; I like funny people. It's not surprising; the best relationships and all my husbands were highly witty.

I knew I did not want to be a nurse or a purse. However, I'm finding it is what many men seek from a woman my age. 

I appreciate younger men who have ingrained lessons from the "me too" movement. They ask permission, even about the words they use like, "sexy",and are respectful, though they are likelier to want photos of one in yoga pants or a swimsuit, LOL!

I'd love to hear stories about your online dating experiences in the comments!

 

Sex, Lies and No Video Tapes

Photo was taken tonight as I write this blog entry.

Hair is a mess but proving my point my image is honest.

 

OK, the title says lies, and it says sex, and while there are plenty of lies, there is no sex ... well, not yet.

There may be none ever, as this online dating is very discouraging. I have not been at it very long, but there seem to be a lot of lies.

 

"T" from New Jersey might be a "bot." Very brief communications on messages and refuses to give his name or have a video conversation. (My video tape reference.) I told him, "I'm not really happy with doing the conversational heavy lifting and I need more identification before I go further in any communication."

I wondered if anyone would question my age. I told a guy I was really 72, and he disappeared. The photos are accurate (I look much younger than my stated age), and so is the information. Unfortunately, the guys I have been "matched" to are not as truthful as I am. In my last post, you read about Kenneth from Utah, who used internet photos to pose as a fellow named Mark from San Francisco.

I'm debating contacting a guy who is out of my age range. He's 5 years older than I am. I hate to be picky, but my limit is a couple of years older. It's just that guys seem to age faster than most women. Men much younger have checked me out, but no contact. I honestly do not know how I'd react to someone younger than 57.

The continuing saga of finding dates

 

Not going well! I got contacted by the amiable Mr. T on the East Coast. However, I'm not sure he is an actual person. The messages are incredibly brief. If he is for real, he ought to be available for a video visit and give me his full name. I think I'll drop the contact if I do not get more information. I don't need imaginary friends, LOL!

The matches on the site are not great. I was advised by e-harmony to check out a guy today that its algorithm thought would be compatible with me. Unfortunately, way off the mark! The profile-listed movie faves were Sound of Music, You've Got Mail, Ghost, Sleepless in Seattle, When Harry Met Sally, and The Shack. Way too many "chick flicks" for me! And I think he was "too old" and moody for me, too!

At least he had a name and enough info to know he was real. He might be perfect for a sensitive 75-year-old woman, just not ideal for me. I have a much younger outlook on life.

I am tempted to try a different dating site. However, I promised myself I'd give this a couple of months; I just wanted to meet some interesting people. I'm not looking to fall in love immediately.

I was hoping for men with equivalent education and career history to mine. A guy who takes care of their teeth would be nice. A good match would be a kind, comfortable person who likes to travel and is funny and someone who'd tolerate my impatience and sometimes blunt speech. Also, he should be someone my kids would not find boring!

 

The EHARMONY Experience

I showed some of my eharmony matches to friends who commented, "The guys look too old for you." I remind my friends of my age. 

However, that remark is partly true. Some men look like they'd have the energy to keep up with me, but many look like they need the "nurse." I've been warned to avoid being a "nurse" or a "purse" prospect for the guys I connect with in real life or online.

The experience has been bizarre. After a few exchanges, I found what seemed like an amiable guy on the East Coast who said he was interested. He then has not returned to the eharmony site. Maybe he's just busy or has found someone he likes better. Who knows? A pleasant diversion for a few messages, and we'll see if he ever returns to the site.

Next was someone with more promise as he was closer, but "B" from San Mateo proved to be a very controlling individual in just a couple of messages. Goodbye!

Yesterday, I had a brief exchange with a guy to whom I gave my cell number. I got a message from the guy with what looks like a studio photo. The phone message said he was kenneth from e-harmony, and the # was from Utah. Since I'd chatted online with a Mark from San Francisco whose photos looked like the guy named kenneth in the image attached to the message (I've not matched with a kenneth), this seemed very fishy!

I've had a couple of other brief conversations, but nothing seems to be developing.

I've been researching online dating sites, and one's chances at finding people are judged to be equivalent to real-life; of course, real life is not yet providing enough social situations to meet anyone! I hope that finding "no one" is not the result of this online effort.

At least it's blog material, LOL!

So, online dating!

    Hello, blog world. I'm embarking on something new. It will seem too soon for some of you, but I have had time to prepare for Cal's death, and he wanted me to move on with my life. It's not as if I'm closing the door on my past. I miss him and likely always will, but the world is trying to sort itself out, even with CoVid still hovering. I'm trying to sort myself out, too. Life is short.

    So, online dating! I said new, but a few moments ago, 1983 flashed back, and I remember trying online dating then. It was definitely weird. I do not recall how one got into that scene. Lots of geeky people, I recall. It was pure DOS. I write too much - that is not surprising to anyone; I have a blog! I don't write here often, but how many people periodically write down their thoughts on a personal blog?

At any rate, I was spending too much time entering data, as I still am only a two-finger typist. The space was monitored, and the host interrupted and had me call him. He suggested I write my posts in another program and then import them into the program to let others onto the chat platform. Only one person could enter data at a time. He and I had a few conversations. I think he was some kind of entertaining voyeur. He probably hosted the site to get material for a comedy routine? I met a few guys and had a couple of personal meetings but no romances from that experience. It has been filed away in my mind until a few minutes ago.

So, my organizer and friend, Tara, recommended EHARMONY to me. I went on the site Monday and signed up. Since then, I've met a few friendly people, but only one has intrigued me. I've been chatting, verbosely, of course! Funny how I can be so quiet in person with people I do not know, but here I am on my blogs, podcasts, and social media, and now eharmony just putting it all out there.

It's the introverted extrovert that I am, I suppose.

It's rather fun getting to know another person this way. I miss the days when I'd catch a guy's eye from across a room and see him smile. Nowadays, there's a mask in the way, and who gets out much anyways? I think it could happen as the world opens up. I look a lot younger than my age, have always felt attractive, and have an energetic attitude. All this exercise I do to stay healthy keeps me active and fit. So even if online does not work out, I do not think I'm destined for a lonely life nor required to be a "nurse" or a "purse" to find a partner. I will not regret the online dating experience, even if it doesn't end up with a lasting relationship. So far, people seem very pleasant even though I've felt that many would not be the best match for me.

I'm waiting for guys to put themselves forward. I'm not bold enough, at least not yet, to make the first move.

The site is pretty flexible and easy to use. So, if you have been considering trying the online dating option in your life, keep an open mind and try it out.

I'm not always great about following up on the blog, but I'll probably make a few comments on social media.

It's a new chapter in my life. Maybe I'll be blogging more?

 

    

Calvin Edward Barwick 1933-2022

 Calvin Edward Barwick, age 88, of Sacramento, died quietly at home in his sleep on January 23, 2022, of advanced prostate cancer. 

Cal was born in Louisville, KY, the son of the late John Calvin and Mary B Lewis Barwick. He attended Male High School and, during that time, developed his tennis game, winning many tournaments and championships, including the 1951 KHSAA state championship in team tennis. 

His good friend, college roommate, and fraternity brother, Dave Thomas, remembers several enjoyable years with Cal as a member of the Kappa Alpha fraternity. 

After graduation, Cal proudly joined the US Navy to serve during the Korean conflict. He ended his service as a submariner on the training boat, the USS Sarda. He remained a life-long tinkerer of diesel engines.

Cal attended the University of Kentucky on a tennis scholarship and the GI bill to graduate with a commerce degree in 1960. Cal had a sense of humor and wry wit. He'd love to joke that he graduated in the top 99% of his class and see if people "got it."

Cal was very proud to have been designated by the Governor of Kentucky with the honorable title of Kentucky Colonel.

Once his education was complete, Cal followed a boyhood and life-long friend, Tom Porter, to Sacramento. His boyhood buddies  - Tom, Charlie Davis, and "Cig" Allen remained friends through their lives. We heard the many semi-notorious stories of Cal and Tom's youth, which they blamed on the faulty memory of Tom's mother. Mrs. Porter was a sharp-minded woman, so we all know those tales were true, and Cal did confess to many. 

Cal began his work career at Aerojet, then worked for Standard Oil in San Francisco. Cal's primary career was with Kaiser Permanente. He started at the Oakland Regional Offices and then moved to Sacramento as a Kaiser Regional Business Office manager for most of his working years.

Cal continued playing tennis several times a week at many local tennis clubs until age 77. When Cal gave up tennis, he focused on golf which he played until his early 80's. His last tennis club was Del Norte, where he enjoyed his "tennis mafia" friends. A small group of those friends made a couple of Saturday morning coffee visits a month with Cal until the end of his life. He treasured those male bonding times with Smokey Murphy, Steve Fong, and Bill Fanning. 

Cal's love for fruit and vegetable gardening almost matched his love of tennis. He became a Master Food Preserver through the UC Davis program. Abundant harvests not only became preserves but gifts to friends and family; community groups also benefited from his bounty.

He was a frugal and handy person, a true child of the depression. 

We remember his passion for ice cream, tomatoes, peaches, corn, and savory snacks. 

Cal loved to travel in Canada and Europe with his wife of 32 years, Karen Poirier-Brode, MD, who he has left to mourn. Karen says, "We rubbed along in life, sometimes like sandpaper, but forgiveness, optimism, Cal's patience and ultimately our love made it work."

He adored his family and delighted in the young ones - doing magic tricks, teaching kids to cheat at Rummy, and going fishing. 

A large and wonderful blended family remembers him with love - sons: Mike Barwick (Patty), Redding, Joe Barwick (Cathy), Folsom, Paul Barwick (Haily), Folsom, Bob Barwick (Angie), Aptos, Ryan Evans, Taipei, Taiwan, and stepsons, Chris Brode (Laurel) and Joe Heffernan, Jr. of Sacramento. His loving family included grandchildren Austin (Christine), Amanda, Taylor, Bridgett, Madison, Donovan, Brandon, Dylan, great-grandson Joseph, niece "like a daughter" Danielle Poirier, and sister-in-law Joan Barwick.

Cal was preceded in death by his brother, John Lewis Barwick (Joan), and the half-brother he discovered late in life, John Calvin Barwick.

Calvin will be interred with honors at the Sacramento Valley National Cemetery in Dixon at a future date.

Cal is gone to be with his beloved MawMaw and play golf for quarters with his good friend, Del Skaggs.

 

I'm so very fond of telling stories in Scrapbook pages

 I have taken a renewed interest in my personal passions. I'm working on my podcast, but that is going slowly.

I've organized my craft room and have space to scrapbook and do painting and drawing.

I'm planning on more book-making in August if all goes well.

Recently, I'm not just scrapbooking but doing scrap challenges. For example, I did the layout-s-day challenge with ScrapHappy in May.

I put together a scrapbook kit for Counterfeit Kit Challenge and used it to make several pages and cards. There was one last page that I did not complete but got started to work on another time.

The May Counterfeit Kit Challenge was based on Eat, Play, Love by Close to My Heart.

Here's my version of the kit:

Also, here is LO's and cards I created from the kit:

Now, CKC encourages making some elements of the page by hand. I did some mixed media backgrounds on two pages and did some hand stitching on a couple. I did not add much from my stash to augment my kit to make these pages. I definitely used up the paper from the kit and made a significant dent in the embellishment collection I compiled in it.

At some point, I'll put together a collage of my May LOAD pages. I feel so proud of myself for completing all 31 LOAD pages. And, I made several more pages last month "just for fun!"