Nothing spices up February like discovering your on-again-off-again gentleman friend is shopping for new prospects online.

 I know you find my dating experiences entertaining. I was "on again" with my long-term gentleman friend when I saw an email from Match asking me to rejoin the site. It gave me my friend as an ideal match.

 I went to look it up and saw he has just revised his Match profile. Me, in a harem? No chance.

Of course, when confronted, he was angry and defensive and resorted to gaslighting.

"How dare you when we've known each other for less than a year?" he exclaimed. My calculations put August 2022 at 2.5 years ago. I also mentioned that I wasn't checking up on him—Match offered him as a good prospect for me.

 Of course, he lied about his age and stretched the truth based on what I read. The cynic in me assumes he probably researched Chat GPT for an ideal profile write-up. I'm very forthright, and he learned what I thought about that.

 When I told him what had happened, he resorted to telling me that his profile had been on Match for years. I know he left the site for a while, and this representation of himself is very recent. He had a current employment history, and he mentioned his one-year-old granddaughter. She and I share a birthday, and it was just a few weeks ago.

 I hadn't set out to investigate, but I’d apparently crossed a line. Information is just one of the risks of posting on the Internet. People learn and know things about you.

 I decided this argument was a big deal, so I will try Match again and move on. It's challenging to do so; I like his sense of humor and intellect and would like to remain friends. Being intimate friends won't work, but friends could have possibilities, but that may be out of the question.

 So, I joined Match, only to find that it might be a long slog. I just want to meet people, learn about them, and enjoy a pleasant coffee or a delicious lunch in a cool spot. Go to a farmer's market or some other innocuous event? I don't want to commit based on a phone call or a couple of dates. The last time I was on the site, I did make a couple of charming and helpful casual friends. I had my ideal first date, though it didn't lead to anything more. There may be some good experiences ahead. 

 However, my first couple of contacts got me a scripted essay about a guy and what he planned for his relationship with the person with whom he connected. I know people make demands on partners, but living in a movie script is an acting job I can pass on. Another person wanted to be sure we were an ideal match before he would arrange to meet with me. He also regretted his house was being torn up for some repair work. A lot to assume that I'd want to have anything to do with his house before we even met!

 Just wanting to meet people and enjoy a conversation or an event is not the kind of dating this current batch of prospects is looking for. But I am an optimist. I'm counting on not all older single men being weird. That may be a misplaced hope.

Stay tuned—because, if nothing else, the world of online dating is never dull.

What's Happening

 

It is January, and time to organize and plan new things. This post is focused on my personal craft passions. My inventory is ample and old and needs to be used or sent elsewhere. Sorting that out seems essential. I have spent some time analyzing my process, and I'll be more productive if I organize products according to how I use them. 

I am not usually a cardmaker. The small real estate is a challenge, and 6x6 paper pads lend themselves to cards because of their scale. As a 12x12 scrapbook page maker, I mainly use 6x6 for die-cuts. However, a couple of orders from Scrapbook.com came with Paper Rose Winter Blooms 6x6 pads. I'm putting Christmas away; cards came to mind. I did not want to store these pads. I determined I'd rather store a head start on Christmas cards. So, I've got that jump start on next year's holiday, and you thought the craft stores' Christmas in July and August was early, LOL!

My craft supply stash is large and ancient, as is my camera collection. 

I have considered crafting on my YouTube channel. I like watching other people's processes and ideas, and I know I'm not the only one. So, I signed up for a video production and editing class at SCC. I looked for suggestions on YouTube for equipment, and I learned that my 12-year-old Canon EOS 6D is suggested as an affordable starter camera. I already owned it, and the lens was recommended by one person. When you already have the recommended equipment, it's more than affordable. Alas, my GoPro is version 3 and almost at museum status. I don't need one. I am considering upgrading my iPhone, too. I have a good iPhone Lavalier microphone, but I will get new microphones for my DSLR. 

My first day in class-

I have not used the video option on my DSLR, so I need to learn that. The iPhone has so many capabilities that I never took the time to learn how to use that part of my Canon 6D. However, the DSLR is mandatory for this class, so I will need to know. I may be out of my depth; we'll see!

It's nice to be back to blogging. I'm slowly reintroducing those things that made me so happy before. I have been inspired by so many online creators, and it's not just their creative work that inspires me. Victoria Calvin inspired me to go to my gym for a workout today. 

 Good Morning!

It's the start of a New Year, so I must write new blog posts. I have been writing a lot but haven't posted here.

I did begin to write poetry. One poem was published—I'll add it at the end of this post. Another is almost done and should be published soon. 

I've been at a standstill in some of my creative efforts. All that energy has been going into construction improvements of my rental property and home. I also had a part-time job this past year, which had me learning more about the care of persons with substance use disorder. I needed to understand more details on the business side of health and regulations. Lots of learning there, too. My position is ending, but I would love more medical work. Not direct patient care, though. That's something fulfilling, but I want to be mostly retired, and the physical demands of my past work in OBGYN are for younger folks. I do enjoy the areas of quality control and review of care work. I honed those skills when Chief of Pharmacy and Therapeutics at Kaiser Central Valley, California. I'm learning about accounting, too. I have decided to study accounting, too. That might help if I pursue board positions.

Meanwhile, my art needs more than sketching out ideas. The process is enjoyable, but I hate interruptions, so it is difficult to begin when I know I may have little peace. As things are settling down, I should be able to stretch those creative wings. I did not stop learning about art. I improved my Illustrator skills with a college course. I got an A, but there is still so much to learn! I have some workbook texts on my desk to keep at it. Photoshop is something that needs more exploration, too. I have a lot of skills, but since I have not done much Digi scrapping lately, I can use some refresher study. I have plans to learn more about video work, too!

I enjoy learning and have studied history, archaeology, and art in small snatches. 2025 marks the 800th anniversary of sealing the 1225 version of the Magna Carta. I found a good class about the Magna Carta on Coursera. It explains many legal technicalities well, and I find it fascinating.

My last posts were about dating again after widowhood. I have stepped away from that for the moment. It would be nice to have a life partner, but I focused on fun with my family. I did meet someone who weaves in my life now and then. I will likely try dating again. There's drama and much humor in the process, so those who enjoy the funny parts of my writing may have some enjoyable reading in the future.

That should bring you up to date, my dear readers. Life has been challenging in widowhood. As those familiar with the Bible know, it's an eons-old story. Still, fun things happen and make for good stories. As things are more settled, I can write about them.

I promised to end this with my poem, published in the July/August 2024 edition of Sierra Sacramento Valley magazine. However, it was not my only contribution this year. My photo of fall leaves is on the cover of the September/October issue. For more information, check the archives of this excellent magazine.

Manitoba at age four

Our house has four small spaces.

Two bedrooms, a kitchen, and a living room.

Our home has no running water.

Our outhouse is in the back, 

By the telephone and power lines.

An artesian well is up the avenue.

In the first tiny bedroom, there are two crib beds

Over one, on the wall, the classic, morbid "Now I Lay Me Down" children's prayer 

Embroidered by my convent-trained, French-speaking grandmother,

The last word misspelled "Aman."  

The other bedroom is crowded with a simple dresser and double bed,

A throw pillow atop the soft, nubby, diamond-patterned, cream-chenille spread.

In the kitchen,

On a counter sits an enamel basin, 

With a pitcher and ladle nearby.

On the floor, an oil drum slops pail 

Resting by an early-model electric stove.

A fly strip twists from a lightbulb above.

In the adjoining living room,

"Blue Tango," croons from a floor-model dial radio 

Fronted with a cloth of rough brown thread.

I cuddled against it in winter,

Like a hot water bottle snug in bed.

I enjoy being warm.

But this was summer in Manitoba. 

So I perch on the gray concrete slab 

In front of that blue shingle-sided home, 

Toasting in the sun —

A fresh-boiled perogie to a bannock bun.

Alone, away from an annoying younger brother.

I feel observed—perhaps, nearby, a vigilant father.

Even on farms then,

Most traffic was motorized vehicles. 

So, I watch, fascinated and ever-curious,

As an old dray with sides of slatted panels

Moves up the town road.

The driver and passenger perched on a board.

Two men, one young, one old.

The plodding nag halts, the wagon is secured,

If there is conversation, the words are unheard.

Into the load, one-handed, the strangers swing.

One in an inky leather vest wields iron tongs to sling

A blue-white block from the depths of soggy straw.

Later, I learn about ice houses.

Sometimes,

I still believe in magic.

By Karen Poirier-Brode, MD;CM

My continuing dating saga

 This morning, I criticized a supposed professional for lousy spelling when replying to a brief text message on a dating site. If grammatically challenged, please write “2 meet” not “too meet” on your post. You don’t sound professional, and I assume I’m being catfished. I’m likely in too snarly a mood to keep at this dating game if I’m picky about spelling, but I have standards for initial impressions. Sigh!

So, how’s dating going, you may ask? Many people look at a pretty face and don’t read one’s profile. They live too far away for a decent connection, join Match or eHarmony when where they belong is Tinder, or don’t say anything original - “You can’t be age 73,” as if I had never heard that before. In fairness to the guys wanting a short-term connection, a man I dated who only wanted short-term dating or hook-ups told me that for men over 50, their matches on Tinder were often high-priced hookers. Maybe trolling in the waters of sites designed for relationships seems safer. Perhaps they’ll catch a few fish, but for those of us trying to connect with someone, it creates a massive waste of time. No, I haven’t tried “Plenty of Fish.” I wonder if they have, it would fit my metaphor.

Then there are cats. Cats are excellent, but hanging around with cats requires me to be on high-dose steroids to survive. That’s not a healthful lifestyle. I’m allergic to all animals but particularly susceptible to cats. A definite stumbling block to otherwise promising relationships.

My dating life has featured a few flirtations, and you know about my other challenges in dating from previous posts. I did manage a nine-month situation-ship with an adorable, friendly guy. That is likely why I have yet to post since September. I liked his intelligence, looks, and life experience. However, the clinician in me has assessed him as having a “dismissive avoidant attachment style.” I adored him, but he was deeply uncomfortable with someone in touch with their emotions who wanted a real connection.

The good thing is that the guy I was fond of helped me figure out much financial stuff, as my late husband left me in a financial predicament. I’m all squared away now and very confident about my future security. Well, as much as anyone can be with the economy, our crazy, illogical government, and climate change, among other challenges.

Still, I have a comfortable life and am rich in things like family, friends, and pursuits. Still looking for love, though.

I'm Learning

Thanks to those following my dating saga.

I find it helpful to write things down as I stumble through this new and very foreign territory. As I figure this out, I may need to prepare a "how to" book for widows who are planning on dating again.

One rule I've found is to listen to your children. If they are adults, they have opinions, and no one knows you better. Close friends are valuable, too.

I am not good at listening immediately. However, it's time to listen when the people close to you prove to be correct.

My loved ones say to pick a man with geographic proximity and free time. The guy needs to be healthy and financially and emotionally stable. I need a "partner in crime."  While very independent, I love to do things with others, not everything, but a lot of sharing time is good for me.

It's hard to find guys my age without baggage. The universe knows I have too much of my own. The key is that the strong, stoic type who doesn't share will resent my openness and possibly feel I don't care about them. I do and can scale it back, but please let me know if you think that way. 

If they don't have baggage, I guess the question is, "Have they lived, or are they just terminally dull?"

The problem with dating apps is that sometimes you feel like you have a bunch of interesting people and who is the suitable possibility? In real life versus the virtual, one likely meets fewer men, and there's less of a feeling that you are gathering them in a sieve and shaking out the lumps.

(I think I've been baking too much.) 

That seems like a terrible place to end this essay, but I need to get to my gym, or the effects of the baking will not make me happy!

More reflections on online dating

I wonder how I'll feel when I look back at these blog posts in one year or five?

This new dating experience has been fascinating.

I have found a friend that I care for a great deal. Are we a match? I'm not sure. It's so early I'm trying to keep myself distant enough to not be hurt, but it may be too late. We'll see.

I've had some casual coffee/lunch dates to evaluate some other guys who've been interested. It hasn't been a great experience. One guy started with a tale about a woman I think he had thought was the one until he faced her unmitigated racism towards a nonwhite race. He was so disappointed he wanted to bring that up immediately. I share that reaction to this woman's comments, but it didn't seem the best start to our date. He also made a big deal about my comments in my profile about not wanting a controlling partner. He brought that up immediately and gave me a detailed list of the strong professional women in his family and how he wouldn't want to be controlling. I thought again he may have protested too much, likely based on prior experience. This came home when he told the wait staff that we were not interested in dessert without asking me. I don't need dessert, let's be clear, but it did seem arbitrary. He had strongly suggested an entrée that I did not want earlier, but I'd taken that to indicate the price point since he had started the lunch and insisted that he would pay this time. However, "this time" suggests that any "next time" would be a Dutch treat or be on me. I think there are red flags!

He never once offered me his surname nor asked mine, either. In fact, other than asking me about the last concert I attended before the pandemic onset, he didn't want to know much. I wonder if he thought my profile on the site was everything to know about me. Yes, I figured out who he is on the internet. Maybe he's done the same. Then again, perhaps another red flag.

And chemistry, so few guys seem ready to cultivate emotion. A lot of dates can be summed up as "boring." I am willing to see a person twice in many cases because I understand nerves can affect behavior. You can bring out laundry lists and insecurities as barriers because most of us are not professional daters or actors, and dating is very anxiety-provoking. 

Some guys tell me they've been at this for years without finding someone and limit themselves to one date. I am not surprised they have not found the right woman.

I hoped if I didn't find "the one," I'd at least make friends. Not so sure about that.

The continuing dating saga

Life goes on. I'm dating a bit. 

Most of my match.com connections seem pretty random. The algorithm does not consider a person's essay, and even essential criteria, like smoking, are ignored. Note that I'm highly allergic to cigarettes, wood fires, etc. 

Several conversations on the phone or at lunch have been missing chemistry. I need to laugh or feel very comfortable to want to continue to get to know a person.

Still, there are a couple of possibilities on both e-harmony and match.com. We'll see what comes of the connections.

I started this dating adventure, unsure where I wanted things to go.

I'm starting to be a bit clearer about what I want. I'm confident I want a relationship. That is more than friends, though starting as friends seems fine. Friends with benefits is a tricky one. If you want that closeness, you must be ready to explore a real relationship. I'm not talking prepared to tie the knot, but we want to spend time together, share experiences and care about each other. It's beyond casual dating.

One can "just have fun," but for me, it gets tricky.

I appreciate the insights into my personality on e-harmony. No real surprises. It noted my empathy and my strong desire for sharing activities. I like the summary comments like "a diplomat on the fence," "as pragmatic as necessary as open as possible," and " a thoughtful go-getter." I think the excellent qualities outweigh my not-so-desirable ones - the analysis did point out I can be stubborn. But, I naturally want to get to know people and generally have a sunny disposition. I appreciate that the compatibility quiz noted a partner should consider himself lucky that I  have an intriguing combination of comfort and drive. 

The site didn't mention one aspect of my personality: I'm an extroverted introvert. My late husband used to comment on this. A friend recently commented on this quirk. I believe it was telling stories about others to reveal something about myself. Hmmm...

The compliments I get on these sites have boosted my self-confidence. I know I don't look my age, but I'm very aware of ageism and have insecurities about my age and not being skinny. Some men like curvy, though.

Today I was a bit down about the dating experience, but my usual sunny disposition has kicked in, and I am feeling more positive.

I'd love to hear what others think about dating as a senior citizen. Comments are welcome.